


She's Not in Kansas Anymore

by Somedeepmystery



Category: Eureka, Firefly
Genre: Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-06
Updated: 2016-03-06
Packaged: 2018-05-25 04:16:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6179863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Somedeepmystery/pseuds/Somedeepmystery
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack Carter has a stranger in his jail and a space ship on his Jeep, and he isn't sure which one he's worried about the most.</p>
            </blockquote>





	She's Not in Kansas Anymore

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is part of a long ago meme on livejournal, where you take all the characters in your user pic (icons) and mix them up, pair them up and then write something about the pair. It lead to some crazy team ups.
> 
> This one ended up a bit longer...

“I really have no idea what to do with this.” Jack Cater was standing in the middle of the sheriff’s office with one hand rubbing at his short cropped blonde hair, and the other placed firmly on his hip. 

He was looking at the woman sitting in his jail cell, looking as calm and serene as if she were waiting for someone to bring her tea. 

“What exactly is that thing that’s “parked” on top of my Jeep?”

“It’s called a shuttle, Sheriff, and I’m very sorry about that. I assure you the damaged to your vehicle was not intended. I’m not really certain what happened. I’m not sure how I came to be here. In fact, I’m not even sure where “here” is.” Her voice was smooth, her accent cultured.

She was definitely well spoken and dressed to the nines in a long gown that seemed a mesh of the past century and something more modern. There was large, ornate, expensive looking jewelry hanging from her ears and neck. She was also gorgeous. Unsettlingly so, with her delicate chin, full lips and tons of dark hair piled artfully on top of her head. The neckline of her gown was low cut, and that, along with the pendant on her necklace served to draw the eye to some spectacular cleavage. It was difficult not to simply stare at her. 

“Yeah well, you’re not the only one that’s confused.” He moved to his desk and started tapping away at his computer. “What did you say your name was again?”

“Inara, Inara Serra. I’m a companion. I’m registered with the guild.”

“What? What guild?” Jack asked looking at both her and his computer screen in confusion. “Look, I can’t find anything on you anywhere. It is literally as if you don’t exist.”

“That’s not possible…” she said smiling sweetly. And oh, it was a very charming smile but he’d been charmed by the best. Not even this very fine looking woman could compete with his daughter Zoë in that department.  

“It is actually, I have access to almost every data base on the planet, and you’re not in any of them.”

“Every data base on the…” Inara began and then stopped, her mouth forming a silent “oh”. 

“You have an explanation for that?”

“No, actually I don’t, it must be some strange glitch, or perhaps the place I’m from doesn’t keep as excellent records as you do here.” She pretended to straighten her dress and he studied her from behind his desk.

“You just said you were registered with the guild. What guild exactly? Maybe they can…”

“I doubt they would be in your database… You see I’m just a little bit lost and I thought you would know what I was talking about, but you obviously don’t so it isn’t going to be of any help,” she rattled off. Some of her former serenity seemed to be slipping away. The hands in her lap clasped more tightly together and her eyes slide away to look at the floor

“I see,” he said sounding very much like a detective who’d found something to dig at. Which, she supposed, he was.

“Oh my god she’s an alien!”

Jack jumped when Fargo burst in through the doors his face flushed and his black rimmed glasses askew. 

“She doesn’t look like and alien,” Jack said tipping his head to the side as he looked at her again. 

“No, Sheriff Carter, really…” Fargo started in loudly, then hurried forward, data pad in hand and leaned into the taller man for a bit more confidentiality. “Really, that thing she crashed into your Jeep, has been in outer space. Finite particles fused with the outer hull confirm it, some of them are of minerals and substances that I can’t even identify!” Fargo seemed extremely excited about this, and Carter wondered for a moment if space opera thrilled the kid even more than Buffy the Vampire Slayer. 

“That’s all really very interesting but how did she, and it, get here? On my Jeep?” 

“I haven’t exactly figured that out yet,” he replied his excitement subdued for the moment. “We’re taking it back to Global Dynamics right now, if I’m lucky I’ll get to study it a bit more before they lock it up in section five.”

“Great, just what we need, alien inspired ways to kill people. As if we don’t have enough already,” Jack said and then got up to get another cup of coffee. If he had to deal with aliens, Fargo, and UFOs, he was going to do it fully caffeinated. “All right, thanks Fargo,” he said, stopped mid sip and raised an eyebrow when Fargo kept standing there looking like he wanted to say something. “Is there something else?”  

“Um yeah…” he darted a look at Inara before edging his way closer to Jack. “Do you…” then quieter, “Do you really want to start out our relationship with an alien race by keeping it locked up in a cell?”

“Well,” Carter responded with a dramatic whisper. “If  _ she _ really is an alien, then how does she know this isn’t how we treat the very best of people?” Fargo looked at him with skepticism. “Alright then, what do you suggest, I can’t very well have a strange, possibly alien and certainly reckless driver just wondering around town.”

“She can stay with you,” Fargo said excitedly. 

“WHAT?” Jack said no longer going along with the ruse of secrecy. 

“Look, Zoë’s not home right now. She’s off at that camp right, and S.A.R.A.H. is the perfect place for the alien to stay. It will be comfortable and we can still keep tabs on her.”

“Fargo, I’m not bringing that woman into my house.” Jack said firmly, and took a sip of his coffee. “MY house.”

 

~

 

“Okay, so this is my house, there’s an extra room upstairs. I’ll show you it later. Um… you can just have a seat over there on the uh… sofa.” Jack waved a hand uncomfortably toward the living room.

“Thank you Sheriff, I really appreciate you letting me stay with you, I have to admit, that jail cell wasn’t exactly comfortable.”

“Trust me, I know,” he said, then, “You just stay right there, I’ll go see what we have to eat,” he said then hurried off to the kitchen. 

“Sarah,” he called in a lowered voice once he’d reached the kitchen out of eyesight of his “guest”.

“Yes, Sheriff Carter, how may I help you?” the house’s computerized voice asked a bit too loudly.

“SHHH!” he said waving his hands at the air since there wasn’t anyone standing there to wave them at. “I’m sure you noticed we have a visitor.”

“Yes, I did notice. It’s nice to see you bringing a lady home. Would you like me to prepare something special for dinner this evening?”

“No, no it’s not like that, I need you to keep an eye on her and do not let her leave. She’s a suspect in a criminal investigation.”

“Oh, I understand, shall I feed her bread and water?”

Jack frowned and then smiled, laughing softly, “No, Sarah just make whatever you had planned and add one more if that’s okay. I’m sorry I didn’t call ahead to say there’d be one more for dinner.” This statement he made for the greater good. His house was touchy and if she felt she was being mistreated, then all kinds of things could go wrong. 

“That’s quite alright, I understand that unexpected things come up sometimes. Is there anything else I can do for you?”

“Yeah, beer me, I could really use a drink right about now.” He watched as the refrigerator spun slowly around from its hiding place and the frosted glass filled with his favorite beer. “Oh, you know I’d better see if our guest would like something to drink.”

“Allow me,” Sarah said. Jack started to tell her no, but it was too late, she’d already begun speaking in the living room. He hurried out to help smooth out the possible shock his guest-slash-prisoner might possibly feel at having a house suddenly talk to her.

“Excuse me, would you like something to drink, I have red and white wine, soft drinks, five kinds of juice…”

Inara nearly tripped over the coffee table. She whipped around so quickly to the right to see who’d begun talking and then the other direction when she couldn’t find the source of the voice; she’d backed up a few steps and bumped into the low lying piece of furniture. Jack managed to catch her arm just in time to steady her.

“Whoa there, careful,” he said and smiled widely. “It’s no one sneaking up on you, it’s my house. It’s a sort of smart house.”

“I see…” Inara said but she looked at him as if he was obviously crazy, then down at his hand where he was still holding her arm. 

“Oh, sorry,” he said and let go holding up his hand in apology. 

“So, that was an automated response to having a guest in the house?”

“Um, not exactly, that was Sarah she makes her own responses. See, it’s S.A.R.A.H., Self… um… automated…” he snapped his fingers as he tried to remember.

“Self-Actualized Residential Automated Habitat,” Sarah interjected. 

“Yeah, that,” Jack said.

“You certainly seem well informed,” Inara said smiling at him. 

Jack laughed, “Yeah well I’m not the expert on the scientific stuff, I’m more the “leave no stone unturned,” criminal fighting sorta guy. I leave understanding this stuff to my geek squad, which mostly consists of Fargo, who you met earlier.”

“I see, but you live here, in a house that thinks for itself?”

“You should talk, you were living in that… thing, that quite frankly didn’t look street worthy let alone outer space worthy.”

Inara thought is was odd how they always said outer space, but she didn’t comment, instead she quipped, “At least my residence doesn’t tell me what to do.” Of course Mal tried to, she thought to herself, but that didn’t count…

“Dinner is served, Sheriff,” the house interrupted.

Jack said, a smile creasing his cheeks, “I bet yours doesn’t make you dinner either.” He turned and offered her his arm. It seemed only appropriate considering her fancy dress and done up hair.

“Touché,” Inara said, taking his arm. 

Sarah dimmed the lights and started playing some soft sensual jazz. Inara’s eyebrows rose on her forehead. 

“Sarah!” Jack reprimanded. 

“Just trying to create a mood good for digestion,” the house retorted.

“Right,” Jack said doubtfully. 

Inara found herself laughing again. “This house could actually come in very handy in my work,” she said, then immediately regretted it. The Sheriff hadn’t heard of the Guild, nor had he found information about it on his data base. Her experience told her that though the Alliance had legalized companionship through out the Allied Systems, there were still those pockets of communities that severely disapproved of the art. She needed to be cautious.

He pulled out a chair for her at a long glass table then disappeared for a moment only to return with two plates, decoratively filled with real food the likes of which she hadn’t seen in quite a while. After he took his seat and she had her first bite, she hoped he’d forgotten the opening she’d handed him. Unfortunately, he took hold of the offered clue doggedly, though his tone was casual. “So, what line of work are you in that an automated house would be so useful?”

“Hmm,” Inara said. “I’m not sure if I should answer any more questions, I am still a prisoner after all.”

“Well, you have to admit, this is a pretty mellow interrogation.”

“And have you interrogated many people?”

“Uh uh, I asked first, don’t try to turn this around,” he said with a grin and little shake of his head. “That was well done though.”

“Thank you, I suppose. What I do... is a type of counseling… I see to the mental, emotional and physical comfort of my clients. Relax them, help them focus or perhaps escape their daily stress for a few hours… There’s much more to it but it is difficult to sum it all up.”

“It sounds like you’re a one woman spa,” Jack responded.

“I don’t understand? Spa?”

“Yeah you know with the…” he made a gesture with his hand around his face. “And the wrap… things… no?” She was shaking her head and laughing softly so he stopped. “Well, it sounds complicated.” 

Inara took another bite of her food and took a moment to savor the fresh steamed vegetables. She had a look of ecstasy on her face that made him feel a bit uncomfortable. The broccoli was pretty good, but not  _ that _ good.

“It is and it isn’t,” she answered finally. He had forgotten the topic, distracted by her performance and he covered with an incomprehensible mumble and a nod before taking another bite of his meal.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> This one wanted to go somewhere and if I had had any idea how it would end, I might've taken it there. (Also, I didn't really feel I had a good hold of Inara in this.)


End file.
